


Trust Fall

by creeper_gavin, neocosplaycat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: And lots of comfort, Angst, Everyone Is In Denial, Everyone is suffering, Flashbacks, Fluff, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Dad, Iron dad and Spider son, Look do you like angst?, Mourning, Multi, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Superfamily (Marvel), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, peter parker needs sleep, spider son, this is all angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 10:10:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14590746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creeper_gavin/pseuds/creeper_gavin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocosplaycat/pseuds/neocosplaycat
Summary: FIC SET POST INFINITY WAR. SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE." “Steve.” Bucky says, words muffled by the jacket his face is pressed into. He lifts his head for a just a moment, “We’re back.” It’s an obvious statement but Bucky feels as though if it’s not spoken out loud he won’t quite believe it. Steve just nods and holds him tighter.Behind the soldiers the others have started to reappear. Groot re-forms while Rocket cheers and punches the air. Sam, Wanda and T’Challa all take their place in reality too. "After dealing with Thanos the Avengers weren't really the same. Everyone came back. Everyone is alive. Just about. But even if the war deciding the fate of universe was over, it's going to take a lot more than a click of the fingers to get it out of their heads.A chapter per Avenger focusing on their PTSD after Infinity War and how their relationships develop with each other because of it. Written by creeper-gavin, BETA'd and co-planned by neocosplaycat





	Trust Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys. You have no idea how excited I am to write this. I love a good bit of angst and the idea of writing an angsty chapter per Avenger was far too exciting to pass up. Each chapter will focus on a different Avenger's struggle with PTSD, what sets them off, how they react, how the other Avengers help.
> 
> And hopefully, be a whole lot of angsty pain for us all.
> 
> Written by creeper-gavin, BETA'd and co-planned by NeoCosplayCat so we can all thank her for the fact that she takes things I write and makes them comprehensible. 
> 
> INFINITY WAR SPOILERS INSIDE THIS FIC.

“Bucky…?” Steve breathes. He steps forward slowly, gingerly raising a hand out to the figure in front of him as if he may not actually be there; as if after weeks of no sleep, no breaks, no sanity had finally caught up to him. As if the man that just materialised in front of him were merely a hallucination.

Fingers clamp down around his outstretched wrist. Steve’s other hand wraps around them until they’re both just stood, gripping onto each other for dear life. Their knees shake as they stare for what feels like an eternity, simply feeling that the other is still there. Finally, just holding Bucky’s hands isn’t enough. Steve pulls him in and squeezes his entire body.

There are tears and neither man is ashamed. It’s a lot, what they’ve been through.

“Steve.” Bucky says, words muffled by the jacket his face is pressed into. He lifts his head for a just a moment, “We’re back.”

It’s an obvious statement but Bucky feels as though if it’s not spoken out loud he won’t quite believe it. Steve just nods and holds him tighter.

Behind the soldiers the others have started to reappear. Groot re-forms while Rocket cheers and punches the air. Sam, Wanda and T’Challa all take their place in reality too.

Tony looks around uncomfortably. It’s a joyous occasion but he won’t be happy until every single member of his team is back in his sight. He tenses his jaw and flinches as Bruce puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine.” He mumbles softly, pulling his sleeves over his fingers but his eyes dart around the field. He’s waiting for someone but no one is quite sure who.

Suddenly sparks appear in the air, a small way down the open grassland. Tony takes off running. A portal appears, growing bigger with every second. Quill steps through, then Drax, then Mantis.

They look beaten and worn but the moment they lay eyes on Groot and Rocket in the distance their spirits lift. There’s loud cheering from the whole group, Groot extends his arms, swiping Rocket up off the ground and holding him high above his head.

“Is this heaven?” Drax booms, “The grass really is greener on the other side.”

The Guardians laughs heartily and together, even Quill is filled with the elation of seeing his crew back together. He’ll deal with the loss of Gamora in the near future but for now, it’s a celebration of life.

“No, you idiot.” Rocket grins, “You’re alive on Earth.”

“Earth…” Mantis gasps.

“C’mon kid…” Tony mutters, tearing his gaze away from the Guardian’s little reunion. It feels like a life time, waiting for the next people to come through that portal.

When Peter finally stumbles through he drops to the ground almost instantly. Tony lunges forward to steady him but instead ends up sinking with him.

“Kid, you okay?” He asks firmly. Peter groans in response. “Pete? You okay? Peter!”

Peter nods quickly.

“I’m okay, Mr Stark. I’m okay.” He promises weakly. He lifts his head and flashes Tony a smile. Tony inhales deeply. He bites his top lip hard enough to taste blood.

“Next time I tell you to go home. You _go home_.” Tony lectures.

“Y-Yeah.” Peter agrees, “I got it, Mr Stark.”

Suddenly Tony is pulling Peter in close to his chest. The boy stiffens for a second in shock but melts almost instantly. He breathes heavily and before he can even comprehend emotion he’s sobbing quietly into Tony’s chest.

Stephen Strange is the last to come through the portal. He seals it behind him and glances down at Tony clutching Peter on the ground.

“He did good, Tony.” Stephen says gently. He pats Peter firmly on the shoulder before heading up the grassland towards the rest of the group.

* * *

 

A few weeks later the Avengers have settled back into the compound. Tony offered Peter a place in which to improve his skills with people who’d know how to train him. At first Peter declined. He went back home to live with Aunt May but two days later at three in the morning Tony had received a phone call from Peter saying if the offer was still open he’d take it.

Peter had seemed out of breath and he was speaking much faster than usual but when Tony, ever the overbearing father to Peter, asked he explained that he’d just been out on patrol for the night as that friendly neighbourhood Spiderman.

Peter moved in the next day.

Wanda disappeared not too long afterwards. She left a voice note with Friday, begging for no one to come find her. After Vision’s death she needed some time to herself. Steve speculated that she may have returned home to Sokovia but the group followed her wishes. Her room lies untouched, unused in case she one day decided to return home but for now remains empty.

The Guardian’s had actually stayed for a couple of days themselves but they weren’t the settling type. After a few days of the compound Rocket had already blown up half the bots in the training room. They were bored and becoming more and more restless by the hour. In the end they left, returning to explore the universe.

Now everyone tries to live their life as usual. Together, safe and somewhat normal?

Steve and Bucky especially have sunk into routine. They’re no strangers to PTSD. Not anymore. But they used to be able to at least function without each other. Now it’s not so easy. If Steve is without Bucky for more than a few minutes he starts to panic and vice versa.

It’s five in the morning when Steve wakes up. He rolls over on to his side, an arm extending to drape over Bucky’s torso. It falls flat. Steve frowns a little. He shifts himself closer to Bucky’s side of the bed, arm outstretched waiting to connect with the cool metal of Bucky’s arm. It never happens.

Steve pushes himself into an upright position. He sits in the middle of their bed, sweat starting to form in beads on his forehead and his chest tightens as he pats the left side of the mattress where Bucky lays every night.

“Buck…?” He calls out into the darkness. He was there when they went to sleep. He was right there. He can’t have just disappeared. Not again. He can’t leave him all alone again. Not again. Steve fought so hard to get him back. Promised he’d never let anything happen to him again. And now he’s gone. Gone again. Not again.

The bathroom light of the en-suite isn’t on, there’s no noise but Steve’s ragged breathing. “Bucky… you here?” He calls again.

The silence hurts, it rings in his ears getting ever louder. Steve starts to panic, he tries to swing his legs out of the bed but they get tangled in his sheets and he falls to the ground on all fours.

“Bucky!” Steve screams to the empty room, thrashing his legs free of his bed covers with absolutely none of his usual super-soldier grace. He feels like he’s back in 1940 being beaten on by people twice his size in a back alley somewhere, as the air around him seems to close in. He screams Bucky’s name again and finally pulls free of the restraints around his legs.

Steve scrambles to his feet and heads for the door. He’s stumbling over himself in a blind panic, tripping over his own feet and smashes his shoulder into the bedroom wall. Steve yells out, but it’s not because of the pain.

He fumbles for the door handle, sweaty hands sliding off the cool metal. Steve is hyperventilating now, his breaths coming in like thick molasses up a straw. The room feels too hot, too small and he needs out. He virtually falls through the door, into the corridor where Peter Parker and Thor’s rooms are also connected.

“Bucky!” He cries out into the empty corridor. The lights snap on automatically when they sense human presence, curtesy of FRIDAY.

“Captain.” FRIDAY announces into the corridor. Steve glances up, unable to place the voice, there’s no one there, he’s still alone. He covers his ears and screams out for Bucky again. “Captain.” Comes the disembodied voice again, muffled like someone’s talking to him through a thin wall. You are having a panic—”

“BUCKY?”

“You are having a panic attack you need—”

“BUCKY!”

“Captain, the Sergeant is—"

Steve legs shudder and struggle to hold him up as he spins around in panicked circles. He’s not hearing a word being said to him. He takes his hands from his ears and thrusts his palms into eyes, pushing against a pressure building behind his eyes. His fingers tangle into the longer strands of his hair that have fallen forward.

“Bucky… Bucky… Where’s Bucky… Where’s he gone… Bucky…” The soldier whimpers into his wrists. The pressure snaps in a sudden burst of pain and he lets out a loud and sudden yell of terror. With a gasp he pulls his hands from his eyes and realises other people have started to emerge from their rooms.

“Cap…” Tony groans, rubbing his eyes. That’s not Tony’s room though, Steve notes absently, Tony sleeps on the floor below. “It’s five in the morning… I just got the kid to go to sleep. What the hell are you doing?” He asks with a sigh. Behind him Peter Parker pokes his head from behind Tony’s back. He blinks blearily. There are dark, heavy looking rings under his eyes.

“Mr Rogers?” He questions softly with a tilt of his head.

“I told you to stay in bed.” Tony snips. Peter ignores him.

Steve has shrunk back against the wall, curling in on himself in his growing despair. His breathing isn’t right, his eyes are filled with fear and his voice wobbles every time as he whimpers Bucky’s name to himself. Steve is large and he towers over all of the Avengers, with the exception of Thor but as the man suddenly straightens up, head flicking wildly in his search Peter isn’t all that frightened.

“Bucky?!” Steve yells again.                 

Peter makes a step towards the super soldier quietly.

“Hey, Mr Rogers, it’s okay.” Peter says. He looks up and tries to catch Steve’s eye but the soldier is staring straight past him. Steve doesn’t even know he’s there. Peter reaches forwards and grabs hold of both of Steve’s wrists. The plan is to ground him, just to let him know someone’s there.

No sooner than Peter has managed to curl his fingers closed, Steve jolts into action. He shouts something inaudible and windmills his arms, breaking Peter’s gentle grasp. He stumbles for a second, off balance and trying to find his footing. Two strong hands connect with Peter’s much smaller chest and with Steve’s full super-soldier strength behind the blow, he’s lifted off the ground and goes flying through the air.

The corridor is thin in width and Peter doesn’t have to travel very far before he hits the next wall; his head bouncing back painfully and connecting with the edge of a door frame.

“Hey!” Tony shouts, fists clenching as he rushes to Peter’s side. “Way past the line, Rogers. Sort yourself out!”

Steve gasps for air as he holds out his arms in front of him, frozen in the air where they made contact with Peter. He stares wide eyed, swaying unsteadily where he stands. Everything clouds his brain, there’re so many people and he can’t see friend from threat. He didn’t know Peter was just trying to help. He didn’t know he’d pushed so hard, didn’t know he would hurt anyone. He didn’t know…

He doesn’t know where Bucky is. The cycle of panic starts again.

Tony crouches beside Peter who’s sitting up against the wall, clutching at the back of his head and wincing.

“I’m fine, Mr Stark. Mr Rogers needs your help, not me.” Peter says, offering up a lopsided, slightly pained smile. Tony shakes his head. If the boy were anyone else he’d blast them in the face, but he’s not so Tony will just have to deal with the perpetual heart attacks. This damn kid will kill him one day, he’s sure of it.

As soon as Peter was pushed back Thor stepped closer. Almost all of the Avengers have congregated in this one corridor by now and it’s nowhere near big enough to accommodate them all with Steve thrashing around so wildly and Peter half sprawled on the ground.

“Captain.” Thor says firmly. He’s less gentle than Peter but it’s not in mean spirit, he’s still concerned for the solider. “You need to stand down.”

Thor lifts a heavy hand and clamps it down onto Steve’s shoulder. Steve yells what sounds like a war cry before twisting quickly where he stands, grabbing Thor by the neck and slamming him into the wall Steve was leaning on for support. His legs are strong now, adrenaline coursing through his veins, pumping to every fibre of his body.

Steve breathes heavily and stares straight into Thor’s eyes. The god doesn’t speak, he barely makes a sound bar the strangled gasps that come from his throat. He’s close to scared but it’s not the gradually squeezing hand around his neck; it’s that his soft-souled friend has wide, glassy, unseeing eyes. Thor isn’t sure how to get him back.

“Steve!” Nat shouts. “Let him go. Steve!” She rushes up him but she knows better than to touch. Both Thor and Steve are just staring at each other, Steve seemingly intent to choke the life out of his friend. “Steve, look! Look at what you’re doing! This isn’t you!”

Steve drops Thor from his hold. Thor bends double, hands placed firmly on his knees, to catch his breath. He holds up a hand to show he’s fine, not that anyone was particularly worried. Steve did just try to take on the God of Thunder.

“Steve, please.” Natasha begs.

Natasha never begs.

Steve steps backwards until his back hits the cool wall behind him. He slides down slowly. The six foot two man curls up into a ball. He his head down, crying into the crook of his own arm and everyone is left to stare. He looks tiny. He looks like a child.

“Mr Rogers?” Peter calls. He makes to get up, to crawl over to the heart-breaking picture a sobbing Steve makes. He winces as he moves his head too sharply but Tony places a hand against his chest.

“Take a hint, Petey.” Tony hushes him quietly. “Let me see your head.”

Peter begrudgingly complies, tipping his head down for Tony to see the damage. Tony parts his hair carefully, only to sigh when Peter slaps his hand away from the injured area.

Natasha in the only one left who dares get close to Steve. She crouches in front of him, leaving space between them; she knows better than to touch.

“Steve what’s happening?” She asks in as gentle a voice as she can muster. The remaining Avengers now aren’t sure what to stare at more. The childlike crying Steve Rogers? Or the calm and tender, comforting Natasha Romanov. Everyone knows better than to comment on either.

Steve doesn’t move his head, just whimpers muffled noises into his T-shirt between hiccupping breaths.

“You gotta tell me, Steve. We can’t help unless you tell us.” Nat says.

“Bucky’s gone.” Steve whispers so only Natasha can hear, trying with all his might to ignore the many other people he knows are staring at him.

“Gone?”

“Gone.”

“Where’s he gone?” She asks, bemused.

“I don’t know… I woke up at five in this morning and he wasn’t there. He was gone. He doesn’t wake up till six. He never wakes up before six. I’m always the first awake, he doesn’t like to-” Natasha cuts off his breathless rambling before he passes out with a gentle hand to Steve’s knee and a nod. She waits for him to throw her off but he just takes a breath and squeezes his eyes shut.

“FRIDAY.” Natasha calls out to the AI. The sudden change in volume of her voice makes everyone jump. “Where’s Bucky?”

“As I tried to inform the Captain earlier; Sergeant Barnes is—”

The AI is interrupted once again by the sound of the elevator at the end of the corridor announcing its arrival with an obnoxiously loud _PING_! The doors sweep open and there Bucky stands, a damp towel hung lazily around his neck and his fringe dripping with sweat. The entire residence of the compound turns to look at him and Bucky, totally oblivious to the whole ordeal, has no idea why they’re all staring at him like he just managed to regrow his own arm.

“What’s happening?” Bucky asks slowly, anxiety rising as he scans the room until he spots Steve on the ground. “Steve? Hey Steve!” He jogs forward, almost tripping over Peter’s outstretched legs on the ground his haste to reach his boyfriend.

Natasha backs away softly. She gets to her feet and motions with a flick of her hand for everyone to begin dispersing as she steps away from the couple.

“Steve…” Bucky whispers softly. Steve’s head flies up at the sound of Bucky’s voice. It takes a moment of Steve fish-mouthedly staring at him for the absent look to lift, just losing himself in the blue of his eyes. Bucky smiles reassuringly. “It’s okay Steve.”

Arms fly into the air, landing around Bucky’s neck and squeezing the life out of him. He chuckles gently, wrapping his own arms around Steve’s back.

“Where did you go...?” Steve pleads hoarsely, his throat shot from screaming.

“Gym.” Bucky answers, pulling back so he can see Steve’s face. His eyes are red and puffy, shiny streaks trail down his cheeks. He lifts his warm hand, the one covered in actual skin, and thumbs away the marks. “I woke up early, didn’t want to bother you since you were actually sleeping for once, so I went down for an extra hour.”

Steve nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. He tries to give Bucky a smile but it gives way to a wobbling lip. He’s crying again, only this time it’s soft and gentle. Steve laughs at himself, can’t bring himself to feel stupid amongst all his relief, and Bucky pulls him in for a second hug as Steve buries his face deep into his chest.

After a moment Steve speaks again.

“Buck…”

“Yeah?”

“You stink.”

* * *

 

Steve sheepishly enters the common room a few hours later. He rubs at his left elbow awkwardly as he scans the room. Peter sits at the table by the kitchen, still in his pyjamas, with a bag of frozen peas on his head.

“Mr Stark… seriously, I can go to school today. It’s really fine.” Peter protests weakly.

“Nope.” Tony retorts vaguely. Peter groans.

“Why not?” He whines softly. He tries to slowly remove the makeshift ice pack from the back of his head but Tony catches the movement and glares at him until Peter presses the bag back down onto his throbbing skull.

Steve watches them for just a moment and his gut twists. He’s horrified by the idea that he let himself lose enough control to hurt the kid – even accidentally. Thor’s a big guy, he can take Steve any day but Peter? Peter’s tiny by comparison and it doesn’t help that he reminds Steve of himself at that age. He just wanted to help. He just wanted to make sure Steve was okay.

And how did Steve repay him?

By shoving him head first into a wall, like a bully.

“Because Tony said you’re not.” Steve answers before Tony can. Peter’s head shoots up and he’s suddenly tripping over himself to apologise.

“M-Mr Rogers! I’m sorry! I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you jump back there. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I just wanted hel—” Peter’s rambles cut off when Steve’s hand clamps down on his shoulder.

“I really appreciate it kid. You got moxie. But I shoulda never have pulled that on you, I’m sorry.” Steve says earnestly. He looks Peter dead in the eyes for a moment, searching to make sure the boy understands that he means it.

Peter nods slowly, semi star struck that Captain America himself appreciates something he did, or attempted to do. He may live with Steve now but it doesn’t mean he knows the other Avengers all that much yet. He spent half the last fight… well, dead. It didn’t really leave much room for ice-breakers and bonding sessions.

Steve turns to Tony.

“I’m sorry I hurt Peter.” He says. Tony narrows his eyes but looking at the way Peter stares at Steve with awe plastered across his face, he can’t exactly stand there and cuss the soldier out.

“It’s fine.” Tony sighs out. He gets up from his own chair and heads over to the freezer. Pulling out a newly frozen bag of nondescript vegetables he turns back to Steve. “Well it’s not. But I get it.”

Steve eyes follow him around kitchen. He nods solemnly.

“Just remember Peter’s a kid, yeah? I know he’s ‘ _The Spiderman’_ and he’s got super strength, or whatever. But he’s still _just a kid_.” Tony tells him.

“Hey!” Peter protests.

“Shut up.” Tony responds instantly, removing the bag of peas from Peter’s hand and replacing it with the freshly frozen ones. Steve smiles fondly.

“Tony?” Steve asks, still smiling in a way that Tony can’t quite figure out as Peter hisses at the cold and tries to bat away the cold compress.

“Hmm?”

“When did you get a kid?” Steve smirks. Tony just groans and moves back to his seat, muttering something about Steve needing to shut his mouth before he shuts it for him. No one notices just how big Peter’s smile grows.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's this chapter! Every chapter has already been planned out to completion and I'm writing these much quicker than I thought I could so expect frequent updates. I'm excited!
> 
> Please kudos, comment and bookmark. It makes my day! 
> 
> Love you all <3


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